Scott's Thoughts

I've been searching for a heart of gold...

I've been hitting the personal sites again. I am pretty much the only person in the house that doesn't have a girlfriend not that is a reason to go find one, just a reminder of my situation. I'm tired of being alone. I want to share my life with some one in the ways only lovers can. Friends are fine but they don't fill the hole, they only distract from its presence.

I've posted to most of the major sites and have done my own searches. I've even messaged a few people but I never hear back. I even tried out eharmony that you see advertised. I was very impressed with their personality and match reports. What killed it was that I have no match. In all of Las Vegas there is no one that is using eharmony that I match with. I decided to open the filter and match with any one from the US - nothing - and that is what really frightens me. Surely there should be even one person that comes close that is registered on that site. This only adds to my pessimistic fear that there maybe no one that is for me.

Most people that try and cheer me up about it tell me that there is at least one person out there for you. What if that one person is in rural China or worse, hooked up with someone that wasn't quite their match because they were close enough? Maybe I am so unique in the world that I have no match. Apparently being adaptable and easy-going may let you survive in the wild but not in finding a mate.

I know online personals are probably the worst place to meet people but I don't have a lot of opportunity otherwise. I'm not in school, everyone I work with or have worked with has been 10 to 20 years older than me and I don't frequent bars or such places. I have little social interaction outside my group of friends.

I've become deathly afraid of reaching 30 and still being alone. 30 is like this barrier that says any enjoying your youth with someone is greatly reduced. At 30 I will look back and think that after over a decade of looking and hoping and wishing that something would happen, I am still here and unhappy as ever, my dreams shattered and trampled upon with little progress to show. I want to become greater than I am, to be part of something greater than myself; instead I feel alienated and left out.

I wish for once something would go my way for the better.

posted by Site Smith Scott @ 10:48 AM