Scott's Thoughts

Viva Las Vegas

Well, my stay in St Louis got extended til Wednesday. I still have a lot to do but I think I will be able to get it done. Lots of "you can't do it that way, it looks like crap". Typical salesmen attitude, appearance over function. It's not a necessarily wrong way of thinking but it would be nice to tell you waht is exceptable and what is not up front. It's hard to explain to such a mind that computers and phone have cords and there is no way around it.

This Greg guy I've been working with to open the office is interesting. He's a saleman type but he's really into music and composing/writing. He's been telling me a few things about musical structure that is very educational.

I think this trip has convinced me that I'm not the wanderlust type. It's out of my system now. While I may not want to leave and wander now, I'm still unhappy - hey, who isn't. I had some girl write to me only to have it turn out to be a clever porn site come on. I hate those. It's one thing if it;s right out spam and it's another where it takes an email or two before they give you a link to a site where they keep their "naughty" pictures. Just another reminder of how alone I really am. I don't need any more of those.

I think about my home a lot more lately. Rich and Jenn are getting married and Mark has had a steady girlfriend for a while now. Ry is gone and Bill is moving in and he has a girlfriend. I have become the "single" friend. While it's not pronounced or evident now it will be one day. Granted it may take years but I can already imagine the issues that will pop up. Granted my friends are the best friends a man can ever ask for bu there will be unsaid things and I just will not feel right or a part of things as I once was.

Depression's little irony: I'm lonely so I withdraw socially which makes me more lonely. When I reach out and try to find someone and fail, it only reinforces the feeling and desire to withdraw deeper. Ha.

I'm am totally ready to go home right now to my own bed and room.

posted by Site Smith Scott @ 8:02 PM