Scott's Thoughts

Reflections in the monitor

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately which in my case can be a bit on the depressing and self-conscious side. I am unhappy with my life. Oh sure, lots of people are unhappy with their life why should I be any different? Because unlike a lot of other people, I know who the right person to blame is: myself.

There are lots of things I'm unhappy about. My job, while I am good at what I do and I'm at a point where there is no fear of failure, has become more stresful and less rewarding. I have been letting the small things get to me more, become more frustrated in things beyond my control and taking more things on because I think I am the only one that can do them right. I have too many things to do and too many people whinning about small things and a co-worker that is worthless but can't get rid of. Top this off with the knowledge that I work for about half of what the going rate is and my stress level is maxed.

My love life is more than non-existant. I can't get a woman to like me more than a friend. Oh sure, they say I'm a sweet guy and that if they weren't married, involved or otherwise not attracted to me they'd for for me in a second. Despite that notion that looks aren't everything, experience and obversation tells otherwise. The only women who I see pratice that philosophy do so because they themselves are unattractive. I realize this is a very jaded statement and I do not claim it to be any more than the view of a very jaded man but that is what I have become and until such a time that my opinion is shown to be invalid then I will most likely remain that way. I just want what any other flesh and blood man wants - to be loved by a woman. Am I really that pathetic?

Over the years I have come to believe that I can do anything I set out to do. I have become a jack of all trades but master of none. I like learning new things and don't really like doing the same thing for a long time. I am more intelligent and capable than the average person but if this is the case, than why am I broke and miserable. Shouldn't I be doing some worthwhile work and making bank doing it? No, I decided I was too good for homework and thus didn't finish college. Now a piece of paper and lack of connections and funds are keeping me from getting a better life. It also doesn't help that I have no luck at all. While I am highly capabable at what I do, I have had no real opportunity in life.

This is where the reflection part comes in. I think in order to get out of my current state, a profound change needs to take place and I've think it may be more than just a change of job. Whatever it is it's going to have to be significant enough to make a difference.

posted by Site Smith Scott @ 5:02 PM