Scott's Thoughts

The Geek test

While browsing through Craigslist for jobs I decided to take a peak in the personals. I know, I'm a sucker for punishment. I saw one that caught my eye - intelligent, attractive and FUNNY. So I thought what the heck and clicked to read it. The person sounded pretty interesting and no-nonsense. She didn't list anything that would have brought up a red flag either so I decided to write her. I told her I fit the description she was looking for. She wrote back and and wanted to know more so I let her have the geek test. No, I didn't give her one of those silly tests you see on spark.com. I simply told her what I did and what my normal routine was and sent her some pictures of me and my friends. That was Friday. It is end of the day Monday and I've got nothing. Her other emails were fast to respond and usually responded in the mornings. I received nothing all weekend (although if she only had computer access at work I can understand) but I should have gotten something Monday barring unforseen circumstance. I'll wait one more day (like I've got a waiting list or something) then I'll just chalk it up to another dishonest girl.

Oh sure, she listed specifics for what she was looking for but what she should have said is no fatty computer nerds. Well guess what, look on a web site for love and chances are, people that are heavy computer users will visit and respond. Don't expect your average geek to be fit either. I'm really sick of how misleading people can be. It's the reason I've given up on those ads. The women that list do not say what they want to say. They need to be honest with the other people. Although in my opinion most of them should say "psycho woman who only wishes to play with men's hearts"

I'm one of the few people out there that is willing to change mainly because I don't like myself. It's not a case of self-loathing just the fact that I know I could be and do more. I've had two female friends tell me similar sides to the same problem "you're too nice" or "you're not aggressive enough". Is it my fault that I actually respect someone enough that I'm not fawning all over them when we first meet? That I believe in being friends as well as lovers? My mind can not fathom that that is the issue. The issue is I'm not some skinny good-looking guy that women just faint for. I am not the object of female desire depsite all the other things I do to make up for it - the average young woman does not care. I am also not willing to lower my standards and settle for some one less either. There is no point even starting a relationship if I'm just going to be miserable and regretful. I use to be sad about my situation. I've progressed way beyond that - now I'm mad about it. Such things could cause me to develop a serious case of Misogynism if it already hasn't. I could go on a diet and lose the weight (something I want to do anyways) but the seed of doubt will be in my mind. Would she be dating me because I was thin and attractive, or because I'm a good person and she likes my company?

Then there is the meeting new people delema. I'm now too old to meet people at schools and such. People at work tend to be no where near what I'm looking for or would present difficulties. Meeting people in bars and clubs is out of the question if for no reason other than the fact that the average type that hangs out at those places wouldn't be compatiable. The internet has proved nothing but a disaster and I don't know enough people in different circles that I can look to friends. Coincidence that Jenn found someone for Mark but not me? Nope. I think she knows that as well as I do that I would be rejected by anyone she found because I wouldn't be attractive enough.

Ironically, one could say I'm fucked.

posted by Site Smith Scott @ 5:44 PM