Scott's Thoughts

Aftermath and let down

The last 3 weeks have been hectic and tiring. Work is literally killing me. I'm so stressed now I get stress aches in my back. I know my blood pressure has got to be through the roof. It's been bad enough that on drives home I sit there and practice my resignation rant. My boss only yesterday realized that we are going to need an additional tech since the one that's working part-time right now can only surf web pages and occasionally answer phones. He's lazy and doesn't even do the job right half the time when he does do work. Combine this with my boss running leaving for "personal things". Last week he was gone most of the week for something I only heard as rumor as family emergency. Between all these projects, equipment failure, growing pains and crappy pay I think I'm pretty much fed up with work. I'm looking for a new job.

That is just the work side. My relationship with Josie has a continuous guessing game. After we had our talk I was walking on eggshells the week after but things seemed to go back to the way they were before. We started hanging out much more though and our conversations are always good. We'd be perfect for each other if it wasn't for one thing - she can only think of me as a friend. It's very hard hanging out with someone when they only think of you that way. I thought that maybe telling her and giving her time would let her adjust to the idea - it didn't. Today she made a comment and that pretty much sealed it.

What I don't understand is that we talk about what we like in people and things and I know we'd be good for each other but then she makes counter-comments. I really am beginning to believe all women lie about what they want from a mate. Oh sure they say they want a nice guy that will treat them nice, listen to what they say, can do this and that but the reality is they want some cute or cool guy. Guys are at least honest. If we just want someone that looks good we don't sit there and lie about it - especially to ourselves. We don't try and delude ourselves or try to make like we are all noble about it. It's the same for the guys that aren't looking for just a body or face. Think about it this way: Most people relate to others as they relate to them selves, that's how perception works. Do guys worry about their bodies and make a huge fuss - generally not. Women on the other hand do. To someone that doesn't worry about their body being perfect, isn't going to worry so much about other people's body being perfect. If you do worry, then you are more likely to care how someone else looks.

You know, it doesn't matter any more. I just turned 27 and I'm in the same situation I was 6 years ago. Still working jobs that pay lower than they should even though I'm doing 3 times the work and have 10 times the knowledge and intelligence. I'm still single with no prospects and at this point no hope. There is no point in living a life where you work and come home to no one. Where the only thing you look forward to is sleeping in on the weekends. Where you are simply a waste of resources. If you contribute nothing, then there is no point or purpose to living and I don't want to be like that. I want so much more. I want to be a part of something. I want to be needed and wanted. As it stands now, I am replaceable.

I am really considering the option of just getting in my truck and driving and not stopping and not coming back.

posted by Site Smith Scott @ 3:37 PM